I once felt like I ruled the world. Today I see success differently.
On a kind of success that came to mean something different over time.
When I was in my twenties, I didn’t spend much time thinking about what success meant. I thought I knew. I ran a company, we had contracts worth millions of złoty, I drove a Mercedes and bought things I liked. Once I spent 18,000 złoty on a computer. I could afford it and I really liked the laptop. I don’t regret buying it; it served me well for about ten years. I liked that life: cars, parties, travel and gadgets. I liked being the boss. My friends and I knew how to have a great time. I felt like I ruled the world. All right, maybe at least the neighbourhood. And I really was happy then.
I won’t pretend that life was bad
It would be easy to retell the story now: money blinded me, cars and parties didn’t make me happy, and only after it was all over did I understand what mattered. But that wouldn’t be true. That period had good things in it. I don’t want to dismiss it just because I know what happened later.
I still like good cars. I’d still like a large, comfortable home designed exactly how I want it. I’d like to travel, buy interesting technology and have a season ticket for Borussia Dortmund. I haven’t stopped wanting money. What changed is how much I’m willing to pay for it.
The problem wasn’t that I wanted to earn a lot
When the company began to struggle, I stopped paying myself first. Later I started using my own savings to pay the employees. Then came more trouble: letters and phone calls from creditors, bailiffs and debt collectors. Low loaders taking machinery away from our sites.
I hadn’t thought much about financial security before. Money was for earning, spending and investing in the company’s further growth. I had no sensible plan for what to do if everything began to fall apart.
If I could talk to my former self today, I wouldn’t tell him to give up his ambition. I’d say: don’t put everything on one card. Even if something works for years, that doesn’t mean it will always work.
Peace of mind began to mean something different
When you have money, you don’t often think about the value of ordinary security: being able to buy groceries, knowing the bills are paid and not having to answer every call wondering what new problem has appeared. Today those things matter a lot to me.
And it isn’t only about money. I have a family and a son. I’m increasingly aware of how much of my life work takes up. I get up early, spend most of the day on a building site, come home and there isn’t much of the day left. Life shouldn’t consist only of work and getting ready for the next workday.
Can less money mean more success?
Today I can imagine earning less than I once did while having more say over my own life. I could have a quiet breakfast with my family. Take the dogs for a walk without checking the time every few minutes. Then work on my own projects. Maybe one day simply not work.
I could have time for my son in the afternoon. If he has training, a performance or something else that matters to him, I could just be there without wondering whether I’ll get time off. Would that be success? To me, it would be a big one.
There’s another side, though. I wouldn’t want plenty of free time while wondering every month whether there’s enough money for all the bills. I’m not looking for a life without money. I’m looking for a life where money provides security and options instead of forcing me to chase it constantly.
I don’t consider myself successful today
I don’t have that life yet. I still do physical work. Most of my day is still organised around work. I’m still trying to build skills and find ways to change that gradually.
But success today could mean things I might not have noticed twenty years ago: my first client in a new line of work; an eight-hour day instead of ten; a car that better fits our family; regular time with people close to me; or being able to take a day off when I really need one.
That doesn’t mean I’m giving up on bigger dreams. I just don’t want to pursue them at any cost anymore. I once believed I knew what success was. I’m no longer so sure. But I’m getting a clearer idea of how I want to live. That’s one reason I’m building again.